_my love for you;

just a random thought

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Sometimes, when I began thinking aback about the various things that happened to me, I had a mixed feelings of happy, confusion and sadness. Most of the time, I wanted myself to me protrayed as a happy person. But beneath the happy face of me, all that lies are sadness. I believe no body wanted to be sad. The same applies to me I supposed. But the things that made me truly upset in my growing of yrs wud be name calling and betrayal? Can I say that?

hahas. I doubt so.

During my primary school years, I guessed I am quite a cheery person. Forever talking non-stop in class and I was labelled as "chatter-box" in class. My teacher can't really stand me and every often, I had to change seats as I talked too much to my parnter. But I guessed my grades aren't that bad so I wasn't really picked on.

I made quite a few friends namely, Regina, Bao Fang and Soon eng. We are like a gang together? Hahas. I still remember ourselves idolising ourselves with spices girl. Gosh. They are so popular during our years. But the happy times didn't last long. I moved house from Jurong West to the east of sg.

So there I was, in a new school and new environment. I was then in pri. 4. I kept to myself on the first day of school. But I remembered the first person who talked to be is Nia Sin. After a few weeks, Connie and me become best of friends. We shared everything with each other and blah. Innocence then. As I say, good things never last long.

We got separated at primary 5 coz of all the streaming things. I got into 6/1. An alien class to me. I don't remember having any friends at all. I became rather reserved as well and didn't talk as much. I don't really have much memory abt these times cuz I think I'm quite depressed over this matters and Connie and me drifted apart? hahas..

Oh. And there goes the name-calling.

I was called, out of all things, UGLY. I don't know why. But I'm quite saddened by it coz it was said by a person I had crushed on? Maybe I'm really am & I really began to believe that I am but you won't understand the feeling anyways. At least not you. You may think:"Chey. Like that only." But it caused quite a lot of damage to me mentally. It's like "Does looks really matters?" Now, I realised that many are really just materialistic so the answer is "absolutely YES".

And to be called "despicable" in primary school?

It was like "HUH? mr.. don't use so chim de vocab in primary school okie?" And I merely remembered I only set up an acc not using my name and I am being called despicable.

fyi, despicable means so worthless or obnoxious as to rouse moral indignation.

Hais. WRONG use of vocab. Didn't really liked my primary school days coz of the many many things that happened. I think that's why I dun have anything to say to my pri school friends. :(

Kinda sad yeah? But it's alright larh. As soon as I got posted to my secondary school, I tried to be a changed person. I got to know Sally, my si dang. Still remembered the fun-yet-oh-so-dumb things. Got into many quarrels. But who don't quarrel? Yet after many quarrels, we still gt back as close as ever. I guessed I've became a more outgoing person. I laughed more and no longer had to put a mask on like my primary school days?

Then come the betrayal. I can't imagine a classmate telling on another to a teacher. Much less than a DM. So what if you're a councilor? BIG FUCK arh. Well, I was involved in a vandalism case. This was really what happened. "On this fine day blah blah, we are having lessons in LT2 when I got really bored and started scribbling stuffs on the table with a PENCIL. Some paranoid ppl saw and wrote my name in a pink slip and the next day I was called up." WTF. A case of biased case bahs. I think I was hated by them or something. Well, but what the hell? It's only sec 2 and people can become so scheming already. Luckily, I got off rather easily but I wondered if there's any black mark on my record. Well, if I do, I won't ever forgive that person(s). I hope they would burn in hell. What comes around certainly goes around. :)

But I was really happy during my sec 3/4 years. I guessed I had made great friends like zhi nuo, chu ying and blah blah. And they aren't fake or anything. So unlike some who I came to know in my lower education years. So now I guessed I had changed alot mentally over the years. I came to be sarcastic to people who don't deserved to be nice to. I learnt to treasured my friends more. I hate people who betrays the other. I swear to slap whoever who call the other party names.(unless they deserve it.)

I don't really talk about such things to people but I really REALLY feel I should pen down these to serve as a reminder for those who do such hurting stuffs to people to really rot to death. As for the years that I was tormented, I would began to love myself more and enjoy life to the fullest. WHO can deprive that from me? YOU? Think again.

Bah. Not to those idiotic people anywaes.

Here's a short story:

If you put a carrot, an egg and coffee beans into hot water, the carrot, which used to be hard, would come out soft. The egg, on the other hand, which is soft comes out hard. Yet the coffee beans mixes with the hot water to produce a nice aroma and makes a nice pot of coffee.

To relate this story to life, the hot water is just like the obstacles in life. Would you rather be the carrot, egg or coffee beans?

I think I am the egg. Although many would choose to be the coffee beans.

Anyways, I LOVE MYSELF. No words can put me down now.

p.s To those who think that doing such idiotic things to people would make you any happier, I think it is time for you to grow up. You're just a piece of junk trying desperately to attract attention from others. To me, you're just one pathetic ~~shit~~ person. :)

-Sign Off @ 2:18 PM :)