_my love for you;

Death

Friday, September 29, 2006

Actually, I have no intention to update this blog until after exam. But since I'm online now and had a bit of time left, I wonder.. why not?

So I shall just talk abit about what happened today. I've been studying like real hard since 8 plus pm in the night till like midnight. Cos I stupidly wasted practically the whole afternoon watching "ye man wang fei" on youtube. It was super addictive I tell you all. Quite funny at times too. :)

Yul is cute.

And today is my GP and econs(H2) paper. I did the question, "How far do you agree that media has influenced Youths today in the society" or something like that for the compo. Cos I feel that it's the only topic I can fully express myself. The comprehension is real hard. The first time I read the first paragraph, I don't quite understand. But later, still okay lar. Econs is also.. sian. Cos I didn't know private good = merit and demerit goods. But luckily I got touch on the negative exernalities and I know a hell lot more about econs compared to common test. Haha. I just hope that I can pass both.

I thought that I would studying later in the night but after going to the hospital to visit my grandma (paternal side one). I feel like a bit no mood.

Although I'm not very close to her and stuffs and only visit her like 2-3 times a year, I feel that it's quite saddening. Cos it's like she's so thin and everything and when the last time I looked at her to celebrate her birthday, she still can talk and response and laugh and things like that. I just feel this cringe when I looked at her but could not bear myself to cry. Guess I'm quite a cold hearted person. No? Haha.

All sorts of tubes are attached onto her. Her legs are like wrapped up with the spongy thing and it's for protecting her legs cos her legs are kinda decaying cos of dibetes? So I shall cut down on my soft drinks cos I don't want to have diabetes. And her hands are swollen. They say that she's like a vegetable cos she can't really respond.. Can only move her finger by an inch.

I feel so oh man.. cos she's like in the hospitals for 3 weeks already and her conditions are worsening every single day. Now the doc says she's only left with 2 days. Can just pray that she would leave the world peacefully lor after all these sufferings.

When I die, I hope I would just die naturally, without any tubes attached to me and leave the world with a smile (without any worries). Ideally on a flower bed. What? Cannot meh? Haha. I also don't want any diseases if I can choose. Damn horrifying at the thought of it. I also don't want to be buried. Damn disgusting. Imagine the worms slowly eating your flesh away. So just burn the ashes and sprinkle it into the sea or just bury it or do whatever you want. For the body would just be an empty shell after we die.

And no, I wouldn't cry. It's not that I'm void of emotions but it is cos I feel that death is part of life. Only with deaths then there will be new lives.

-Sign Off @ 9:00 PM :)

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