_my love for you;

Just my thoughts...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Okay. What is self-conscious? A friend of mine asked me today whether I'm self-conscience. I asked her,"What exactly is self-conscious?" (Although I sort of know the meaning but just don't know how to put it into words.) She said,"To feel inferior from others."

This set me into thinking. And I replied,"Yes. When I see others going to better JCs while I ended up in TPJC, I feel inferior." I just feel...

Maybe I should have studied a little harder. Just a little. But everything's over now. No point crying over spilled milk yeah?

Nevermind, revert back to the topic. Then she said,"No no, it's about like your looks, your figure and that you feel that you don't match up to someone else."

I didn't give too much thought and answered, "No."

She gave me those O.o look. Hahahaha.

Damn. Must be because of my extraordinary high self-esteem. But it isn't such a bad thing after all? Coz what is more beautiful than confidence? If you have it, flaunt it. If you don't, just pretend to have. Bahahahaha! :)

Schooling is totally.. "tasteless". I hate it when I know that I'm lagging behind. It gives me some sort of creeps and I would awake myself from the sleeping mode I harboured since day one of school. I guessed it is due to my happy-go-lucky character. I want to have fun. Everyone does. But I have to have self control too. So now is the time that I must study. I really hope I can stick to my promise(?) Haha...

On a totally irrevelant note, I don't think I would ever make a good girlfriend. I recalled during the first 3 months, Yuling said something like this while we are playing dai dee.

Yuling:"If I'm a guy, I won't ever choose you."

And to rebuke her back, I said,"If I'm a guy, I won't ever choose you TOO." Hahaha. It was in the form "just kidding". So don't preach me about being mean. Then the others came to my rescue saying that I'm only stubborn while playing dai dee and that I'm a nice girl and everything.

But..

I seriously think I'm not a good girlfriend material. Why?

1.) I'm bad tempered.
Nobody likes bad tempered girls. Okay, maybe some can endure it, but they do not like it.

2.) I'm demanding.
I expect others to change for me. I'm the kind of self-centred person who thinks that the world revolves around me. Oh my god, you mean you still don't know about it? Hahahahaha.

3.) I stick to what I believe.
Even if it's wrong. I don't give a damn. Your comments won't make me change my views.

4.) I'm vuglar and loud.
They say vuglar girls turn guys off yeah? Hahahaha. But that's so unfair. If guys can curse knnccb, why can't girls say fuck? At least fuck is a english word and not hokkien and it is a way to express your anger across. Whatever happened to equality of sex? Lol.

5.) I'm lazy.
I don't like to do chores.

6.) I'm evil.
I remembered once Audrey, Chuan Ting and me went to pastamania to eat. Then, after everyone finished their food, we played with the cheese, chilli powder and the leftovers. Chuan Ting and me both agreed that we would insist our boyfriend eat our creation. Even if it taste awful. Hahahaha! Chuan Ting, I'm not leaving you out. :P

Apparently, I wanted to think up to 10 things that makes me not a good gf material. But I could not! I can only come up with this much. Hahahaha. I know my good overrides my bad. =X

But I supposed these 6 reasons can deter someone from thinking that I'm a sweet girl at least? Coz I am not and I don't want to pretend to be. I just want to be myself. Take it or leave it.

Hence, being my boyfriend wouldn't be an easy task. That explains why I'm single all these years. LOL. Don't start dissing me for being single all these years. That is because I certainly have high standards for my boyfriend. If you don't qualify, you don't. And take note, I added on the top that I don't feel self-conscious at all. Hahahaahaha. That's where all the trouble starts. I don't feel that I don't match up to someone else.

Yep. That's it.

ps. Sorry to those who thinks that I'm being offensive by trying to say that you don't qualify. Well, there's always better girls out there who will think that you're qualified. ~~If there is~~ Hahahaha!

-Sign Off @ 10:57 PM :)