_my love for you;

Fuckaccino

Sunday, July 20, 2008

You know when you avoid blogging about somethings to the extend that you want to forget all about it....

And you just can't.

Especially when people come asking you about it. Like, "Eh what happened between you and XYZ? Tell me leh!"

I didn't say because I see no point in doing so.

Why would I want to blog about things that I wanted to kept between us? I know blogging is like writing a diary down. Except that it is not that personal as the whole wide world can see for themselves what you have blogged, isn't it?

Sigh.

But right now, I just feel like lashing it all out.

Because I think Chenkai wouldn't mind it anymore. Not anymore after he ignored the numerous amount of phonecalls I attempted to reach him. Seriously I probably hit record high trying to reach someone so desperately. I guess it is just not working out anymore....

I always thought that the problem lies with me. That, if we ever broke up, it is ME who would suggest it and he would never be the one.

Why you ask? Cos previously he said he will never let me go unless I let him go. But..... I guess promises are meant to be broken. Yes? No? Yes.

His reason being - he is unhappy that I prioritise friends over him. Fair enough?

*NOT*

Because he was not there when I wanted to feel the happiest on this day of the year. He didn't even call me to wish me a happy birthday. I know, what kind of boyfriend is that right. All the shit ass excuse he gave is not suffice for these type of treatment cos even friends who I barely know also wished me, like 100000 years ago. So who are the ones there for me? My friends. Not him.

Tell me, do I deserve such actions from him? Do I?

But the truth is... I don't mind because it is him and not just anyone else.

Because, just because whenever I look at him, all the angst thoughts just seem to vanish away and I can't stay being angry at him anymore.

I begin to remember how gentle his touch was.

I begin to remember how nice it feels to lie on his strong chest whenever he send me back home.

I begin to remember how fizzy my heart feels whenever he does something for me, even if it is just a simple thing.

I begin to remember how it is like to be loved by him.

And all the sweet memories just come flowing into me once again.

............. it is so fucking hard to not remember the times we spent together. But I will have to try.

& I'll be just fine. I know I will be. ~~Without him in my life.~~

-Sign Off @ 1:02 AM :)

I am